Adapting to a Foreign Country
Below are a few tips relating to adapting to a foreign country. We hope
they will give you some insight and help to make the transition much
smoother and comfortable for everyone concerned.
Over the years we have dealt with countless couples that have met and
married via our service. By talking with those couples, and pulling from
some personal experience, we have put together a few tips which we think are
important in helping that someone special you love, adapt to what may be a
very different environment:
· Realistic Expectations: Expectations are a part of any relationship,
but especially so when one of the parties moves to another country to live
with the other. It's very important that you're honest about who you are
and what your life is like. We are all prone to exaggeration when dating,
however, it's necessary that she has a realistic expectation of what life
with you will be like. For example, if you live for the outdoors and love
to hunt, fish, and spend as much time as possible outside, then be sure that
you convey that to the women you are interested in right away. A great way
to do that is to send photos, or bring photos with you, that show you doing
the things you enjoy. This way she will have a very good idea of your
lifestyle and there will be fewer surprises when she comes over. It's much
easier to adapt to a totally new and unfamiliar surrounding when you have a
clear picture in your mind as to what to expect. It may not always be
exactly as she pictured it, but the farther away reality is to what she
imagined, the more difficult the transition.
It is also important that you discuss with your Fiancée, before she comes
over, exactly what it is she wants to do once she is here. If she is a
Doctor, does she wish to continue her Medical career? Do you both want to
start a family right away? Would she like to go to school to improve her
English? These items should be discussed prior to her coming over so you
both know what to expect when she arrives. Once she arrives you should do
everything you can to help her achieve the goals you both discussed.
· Support: You may very well be the only person that she will know
when she first comes over. That can be a bit intimidating. It's important
that you show her as much support as possible, especially at the beginning,
to make her feel as comfortable as possible. There are many ways of doing
this but one of the most important is to spend as much time as you can with
her, show her how much you care for her, and that you are there to help her
feel at home in whatever ways you can. It's also helpful to introduce her to
other women who have emigrated from the same country. For instance, if your
bride is from Russia a good place to look for recent emigrants, and places
where they meet, is a store specializing in Russian goods. Contact with
friends and family back home is also very important. There are many
affordable long distance plans on the market today so that an over-seas
phone call no longer has to break the bank. The Internet also offers many
opportunities for communication.
· Lifestyle Differences: When someone moves to a foreign country there
is always an adaptation period. Things are not going to be the same as they
were in their home country. For instance, in many cities in Russia and the
Ukraine mass transit is the primary means of transportation, many people
simply never learn to drive. In many American cities there is very little
mass transit, and one is very dependent on the automobile. Thus, learning
to drive may be a significant change. Simple things like shopping can be
much different from country to country. In Russia there are very few large
shopping centers, however there are many smaller stores selling only certain
items. Thus, in many Russian cities you may visit 4 or 5 stores everyday
just to do the household shopping. In America we tend to visit one large
store about once a week to do all the shopping for the week. These are not
huge differences but they can take some getting used to
· Be a Good Listener: One of the most important aspects of any
relationship is communication. It is very important that we truly
understand what the other is feeling. Inter-cultural marriages have the
added dimension of language differences. Your Fiancée or wife may speak
very good English or may still be learning the language, you may be learning
her language as well. Even if your wife speaks your language fluently, or
vice-versa, there is still the possibility of honest misunderstandings.
Words that we have used all of our life may mean something different to
someone who is not as familiar with the language. You also have to be very
careful about using slang and sayings such as, "the ball is in your court".
Many times people will pretend to understand just to be polite, but in
reality, communication has not been achieved. Thus if you are discussing
something very important be sure that you are both on the same page and
understanding what each other is trying to say.
· Show her you love her: The most important thing you can do to make
her feel welcome and ease the transition is to show her how much you love
her. Bringing home flowers for no special reason, or cooking her a romantic
dinner, will go a long ways towards smoothing over any little hurdles she
may be trying to overcome in adapting to your country.
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